Friday, November 29, 2013

When Black Friday Calls

The Ballad of Dave and Tina

Tina wakes him up before the dawn
Though he can't see her face
Dave feels her clutching at his shoulder
Shaking him to his senses

There is an excitement in Tina's voice
Like a child's voice on Christmas morning
She had made a list, checked it more than twice
She even printed a copy for Dave for good measure

Tina googlemapped, mapquested and otherwise charted
a circuitous route, a plan of attack
from the North to the South
to the Western Suburbs and the big box stores

She knows when they will open
She knows when they will close
She knows where to get the hi def appliances
And the Christmas dress at 80 percent off

There's no time for Dave's morning cup of joe
We've no time for dilly-dallying
There's a donut stop along the way, Tina sez
Pushing Dave down the stairs and out the door

Fold down the seats in the SUV, she commands
Scrape the frost from the windows
And let's get a move on, she squeals,
We're gonna be late!

Dave shivers as Tina bounces in her seat
Driving warily down the block
Peering through the windshield
Through that one non occluded spot

Yesterday was a day for giving thanks
Today is the day when she buys all the gifts
To see all the smiles on Christmas Day
It's a lesser man who sleeps in
When his wife still wants to give

The radio speaks of growing traffic
and lines around the block
Interviewed shoppers boast of waiting for hours
Others in awe of those who camped overnight

Dave growls as they round the corner
The coffee shop down the block
is still dark, is still closed
There will be no black coffee on Black Friday

Tina, oblivious to Dave's plight
Has a delicious new idea
Spurred on by the radio she turns to Dave,
Next year we should camp overnight too!


— Mark Butkus