Sunday, May 5, 2013

Mexicality FAQ

¡Cinco de Mayo...super mercado!

I am an American
of Mexican descent.

My family didn’t come
to this country,
this country came to us;
we were your hosts.

“No, actually,
the Native Americans
were here first.”

Well, we were
the product of
Spanish conquistadores
conquistadoring
the indigenous peoples.

“So, you’re actually European?”

Ask President Obama
since he’s half White,
which parent he claims?

“But you don’t look
Mexican.”

Thanks,
is that supposed to be
a compliment?

“Great, you can be
our translator!”

No, I only know about
50 words of Spanish,
and while that may qualify
you as being bilingual,
it brands me as
pathetic traitor to my culture
by Mexicans
from Mexico.

“So, were your parents
born here?”

Where, planet Earth?
Yes, specifically
in California and Colorado.

“So, do you celebrate
Cinco de Mayo?”

No, because I’m not
Mexican,
see first question.

“I admire Mexican culture
because they are
so family-oriented.”

Yes, we all come
from families,
and many of us practice
responsible birth control,
and haven’t brought
any children
into this world,
like myself and my brothers
Danny and Paul,
all three of us
college-educated
by the way.

“So you’re probably
for illegal immigration,
or some kind of amnesty.”

Sure,
but to be fair,
make it
retroactive to 1492.

“Why are you
so angry
about your Mexicality?”

I’m sorry,
I’m just tired.

Time for me to curl up
against a lone smooth cactus,
pull the brim of my sombrero
down over my eyes,
and take my siesta.


Buddah Moskowitz


Mexicality FAQ was inspired by the Cinco de Mayo display for Corona beer found in Buddah Moskowitz' local Southern California grocery store. Buddah is the editor and creator of I Hate Poetry where Mexicality FAQ first appeared. He is also the author of I Hate Poetry 2.0: Formatted for Mobile Devices published in 2011. Mexicality FAQ is posted on the Bar None Group website with the permission of the author. Celebrate Cinco de Mayo with a beer, a tequila or a michelada. As Buddah says, "If you weren't lucky enough to be born Mexican, here's your chance!"

Salud!